I get some crazy Neomail. This site has millions of players, and I swear that the vast majority of them that contact me are chemically unbalanced. Here is an excellent example:
Keep in mind, this is the FIRST message I had ever gotten from this person.
Hmmm…my response was not appreciated I guess.
“Have a nice day” leads to “assey head”? How uncouth!
Such vulgarity!
She really did stop proving her stupidity after that last message. *sigh*
UPDATE: 3/28/05…she’s baaaaack!
Like an idjit, I deleted the message that goes here. I told her until I get some funnier screenies that hers would stay up. She babbled on about being a cheerleader…
Ugh. I cannot believe I typed “ininformed”. X_X
Yup. That’s me. A fake cheating gambler. Or something. *rolls eyes*
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I’m not sure “stupidity” covers this…
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Got patience?
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I fear for our future. X.X
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She is right. It wasn’t mean. It was stupid.
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I have reason to believe you are young and dumb, but what makes you think I am mean?
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Expesove? This could prove amusing.
Candian. Getting warmer.
Why do they offer serious responses?
Prvince? Nice schools up in Candyland.
My brain was about to implode, so I had to block this user.
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Mmmm…truffles!
SoooooooeeEEEEEYYY!!!!
Darn. That one ran out of steam too fast. *cries*
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Another misguided soul. I’ll drop her a quick note.
Whoops…guess I won’t. Since she forfeited her chance to get a private response, here is a public one:
As a “university student”, I would hope that you would have learned common sense and developed a sense of humor by now. I feel for you. I will say it again: I am not mean. I merely loathe idiocy. Every message here (including yours) was sent to me unsolicited and unprovoked. If sticking up for myself is mean, I am not sure what the word is for criticizing someone for doing so. Either way, I am sure such a word would not make it past Neopets’ language filters. Have a nice life.
Way to go Goofyspouse! Sorry I don’t know your real name, but you know, you’re my idol! lol, flattery, but, anyway, I always look up to the two Spanky’s, they’re wonderful pets
I look forward to the day when we meet (neo-wise…not real life, lol) Your name and presence is my honour 
and from all the screenies I’ve seen of your replies you seem a very reasonable guy. I’m sorry there are so many idiotic people out there in Neopia o_O I thought the n00b mail of a person asking why I eat cheese was weird enough.
~Karen
Comment by Karen — February 6, 2006 @ 2:55 pm
hahahaha…these are sooo funny. i dont talk in chatspeak like these people, but i talk in lower case or whatever you want to call it. its good your sticking up for yourself. some people would be just to afraid. also, i would like to have screenies like this, but mine suck.
Comment by pokematiceric — February 12, 2006 @ 5:42 pm
Wow I can’t stand illiterate noobs.
Comment by Becca — February 18, 2006 @ 10:00 am
Ahh so funny, yet so crule!
ROTFL (Realy, I was ON the floor when I read them!)
N00B= lyk hou do u g3t pb, or if i no get it lyk gimmie one
Comment by Taylor — February 21, 2006 @ 3:17 pm
If I may make a comment, you spelt “cruel” incorrectly, Taylor.
Comment by Bo — March 3, 2006 @ 5:15 pm
ROFL having a bad day look at rays screenies im literly spiting up big red i had a HOUR AGO
Comment by michael — March 4, 2006 @ 12:17 pm
wow. zangis got a 5 foot radius brain tumor. gotta freakin i.q. lower than the room temperature.
Comment by no name....>=3 — March 4, 2006 @ 4:04 pm
Wow, people really can’t get any more stupider……
Comment by Lauren — March 14, 2006 @ 8:07 pm
Hilarious! I did not think anyone could be so stupid!!
Comment by Mad — March 19, 2006 @ 2:48 pm
Gullible? That doesn’t even begin to cover it!
Comment by lucy — April 1, 2006 @ 3:56 pm
Why are people so mean? Don’t they know they are going to be reported?
Comment by Simon — April 3, 2006 @ 5:54 pm
Simon, in case that was not a rhetorical question, most mean people are actually stupid. They don’t know how to respond to their own emotions, so everything comes out all “HULK SMASH!” instead of rationally.
That will be five cents, please.
Comment by goofyspouse — April 4, 2006 @ 7:46 am
5 cents!!!!????
Comment by Simon — April 4, 2006 @ 5:06 pm
Ahahahahahha. I love the girl who was upset about the “Candian” comment. Oh about Candyland–Lord Licorice is a dictator now, so that explains the lack of adequate schools. “Prvince” in Candian means “n00b,” just in case you didn’t know!
Comment by Kwiggy (vulpixlover37) — April 8, 2006 @ 4:44 pm
These people are morons. But also our entertainment — I guess.
Gu3s$ wh@+!1 I’m from Candyland too!1shift+one! onGz! thts s0 co0l i$n+ i+!?/
Wow, that took a while to type…
Comment by Rachel — April 8, 2006 @ 6:42 pm
How did I get here? I can’t even remember. You are right though…google IS my friend. I was literally laughing out loud at some of these screenies. Thank you so much for your snarkiness. I wish I was a candian. Must be sweet-eh.
Comment by Gillian — April 11, 2006 @ 6:04 am
If anyone want to commit suicide, I have a one-way ticket to Candyland…..
Comment by Emi — May 2, 2006 @ 1:18 pm
*wants, oops.
Comment by Emi — May 2, 2006 @ 1:19 pm
Heya! I just want to say that your screenies are really cool and I have a few myself! One of my hobbies is poking superficial n00bs. You know the sort: “Oh, I’m so rich, I can afford anything, AND I’m a cheerleader AND I’m related to Hilary Duff ect. ect.”
Lol.
Anyways, see you soon,
Jamz
Comment by Jamz — May 16, 2006 @ 11:41 am
Hah, these are classics. I remember when they were at Neopets….
You should make a book of these.
Comment by Bo — May 18, 2006 @ 4:50 am
LOL! Keep up the good work detroying those noobs!
Comment by JC — May 18, 2006 @ 5:10 pm
Took me fifteen minutes to find this on google, but it is worth it. Brightens my day. xD
Comment by Alan — June 21, 2006 @ 9:39 am
Good job keeping Neopia in order by yelling at them. *claps*
Comment by Georgia — June 21, 2006 @ 6:22 pm
Dear Goofyspouse;
I was heartbroken when you had to take the screenies off of Neopets, but eventually I got around to getting off of my lazy derierre and looking it up on Google. -pats the truffle-finding pig on the head- See you in Candyland!
~Ramen
P.S.- I might just have to send you a bottle of black sand as a little congrats for being so kick-arse!
Comment by Ramen — July 17, 2006 @ 4:33 pm
Hilarious. Thanks for the laughs. XD
Comment by Aimee — July 19, 2006 @ 2:59 pm
Thanks for the laughs! Who knew Neopians could be so stupid?…okay, well, actually I DID know they could be that stupid. *rolls eyes*
Comment by Hunnybee — July 25, 2006 @ 2:22 pm
I hate those stupid noobish peeps. Great job on stocking up on noob spray this year. *applies anti-noob spray to herself* Hope to hear a neomail or email from ya! -Koribell9
Comment by Koribell9 — July 31, 2006 @ 1:58 am
hi ur funny and i espect that u should get a trophy for keeping neopia safe from nooooooooobs!!!!
Comment by dandy2222844 — August 20, 2006 @ 11:38 am
hi i ment respect it got jammed
Comment by dandy2222844 — August 20, 2006 @ 11:39 am
Gosh you’re so harsh… ^^ I love it. I might as well get some sand for Mister Harsh.
*screams of laughter*
Comment by Skipz — August 27, 2006 @ 12:24 pm
Canada was a good place. Then the n00bs came.
Comment by colethecute — August 28, 2006 @ 10:07 am
Hi nice screenies ^^. It is so strange to see all the idiots who bother to waste their time harrassing you…you’d think they’d learn, but I guess learning is a bit beyond their knowledge. Ah well, at least they make themselves useful in the only feild they can – by making a fool of themselves!
Comment by Hawkie — October 28, 2006 @ 10:05 pm
I love it there really are some n00bs out there. I was gonna send you mail the other day and then I read your lookup and thought better off it. Get em told! and yeah Canada was a great place until the n00bs lannded maybe they are waiting for E.T ? Sad me thinks.
Comment by CLS — November 27, 2006 @ 7:57 am
Goofyspouse, somethings you post are just rude! The girl from canada? Maybe she is a YOUNG KID who doesn’t know how to type well yet. And it’s surprising you’d say that mean people are stupid, because that means you’re saying YOU are stupid! You call some of these innocent people who aren’t doing a thing n00bs? Well you’re a big n00b yourself goofyspouse!
Comment by anoymus — December 2, 2006 @ 5:13 pm
“Anoymus” (heh great spelling. Yah, you really “annoy us”) are you calling them “innocent”. They are hardly innocent, spending their time harassing someone. They have a chance to think twice before pressing the send button. They could end the arguement. They could cease being idiots. Do they? I think not. “Youngs Kids” should learn to respect their elders. And are you disagreeing with mean people being stupid? I hope not, because to think that, you would have to be not only utterly heartless, but you would also have to be stupid yourself. Those who are mean to people are obviously stupid, because there is enough violence and hate in our world without silly peeps creating more over tiny points. Chill out “Anoymus”
Comment by Hawkie — December 12, 2006 @ 12:30 am
You are one funny guy! I nearly pissed my pants laughing when I read your screenies and comments!
-coreyismyname
Comment by Michelle — December 16, 2006 @ 2:44 pm
Exellent making fun of people. I like the candyland one.
Comment by Alyssa — December 18, 2006 @ 12:24 am
Dude, that shit was funny. I fell off my friggen chair laughing at the ‘Candyland’ statement. Way to go!
Comment by Carolyn — December 29, 2006 @ 7:45 am
Wow. Some people really are idiots. I can’t believe so many people would take that much time, just to write you neomails complaining. Its insane. Do they have nothing better to do with there life? Hm.
Comment by Brandon — January 14, 2007 @ 1:18 pm
I belong to Candyland! in fact i took some of it with me!
Check my look up
Candygirl867
Comment by Candy — January 16, 2007 @ 2:30 pm
You have the worst screenies i EVER seen.
Comment by Jen — March 7, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
I worship you now. I always appreciate someone who can put “ch4tsp3akerz” in their place. Oh, by the way, thanks for a great laugh on this page.
Comment by Jim (jimsci1000 on neopets) — March 13, 2007 @ 10:40 pm
Hey U rock! At least u are upfront about things
Comment by Gabby — April 11, 2007 @ 4:59 pm
Hi I really like your screenies! Yes, I’d call you mean but rephrase it as “sassy and full of attitude and witty surprises.” Keep up the good work!
Comment by Penpenx — June 9, 2007 @ 8:51 pm
Oh my god, this is hillarious. What losers! I dont know you but high 5 man you crack me up!!!
p.s. you aren’t mean, you just so happen to have good insight!
Comment by Maddie — June 26, 2007 @ 2:12 pm
Hahaha, I love your screenies
They absolutely make my day. I literally laughed out so loud when I read the thing about “Candyland” and truffles, my mum came in and asked what was wrong. Haa… Anyway, thanks for making me happy when I’m feeling low. *sings and then prances away*.
Comment by Poppyseed — October 31, 2007 @ 7:54 pm
yay! :3 I don’t think your mean! Those weird people….You didn’t do anything to them!
Comment by Jenny_hamy — November 30, 2007 @ 11:26 pm
I love being called mean by nubs… but you take the pie for the most nub sightings!
And I’m not sure I’m such a proud Canadian anymore.
Mr. Truffles ruined it.
Comment by Sam — July 3, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
Wow I svck. That didn’t even make sense.
Comment by Sam — July 3, 2008 @ 3:13 pm
The set of messages to the person with the Air Faerie avatar was… kind of rude. Other than that… XD LOL!!!
Comment by *Sophie* — July 30, 2008 @ 6:02 pm
Wow. All those screenis are really funny. I like your sense of humor its sort of sarcastic and unpleasant but still entertaining to read. If i could give you kudos or cookies or points as a reward i would but i do not think this site allows me too. Still good job!
~Niki
Comment by Niki — August 6, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
haha, those are funny, good job! i agree with number 51….=D
Comment by morgan — August 12, 2008 @ 7:45 am
uqwmfb uiqgfmsl nasqrv ewvmuh ogvcmfs cvgxnk yetomzus
Comment by ugsmr mtbzxve — September 6, 2008 @ 4:13 pm